Hattie’s story, part 3. Thought process

In part three of her story, Hattie explores the thought process she went through which ultimately led to her severing her allegiance to SCOAN. Follow the links to read Part 1 “Visiting SCOAN, first impressions” or Part 2 “Returning to the UK

Who am I to question this man who is performing all these miracles and has such supernatural knowledge? He knows God better than I do and I had better listen to him.

TB Joshua appears to have such power in the supernatural realm and such knowledge about people. I wonder what he knows about me? I wonder if he will say anything about me? I am such a sinner.

TB Joshua seems to have “confrontation” with evil and often casts out demons. I don’t and am not even aware of that side of things much. I had better watch out/pray more/read my bible more/learn from TB Joshua more. (It indirectly made me acutely aware of evil at work and probably fear it more if I am honest)

A realisation

Some time passed and I simply carried on with my busy life.

Slowly I began to notice changes in people I knew that were involved with SCOAN closely. Most definitely these changes were for the worse and certainly not in keeping with the fruits of the Holy Spirit. It became more and more obvious with time. The people I knew were becoming increasingly hard, unloving and arrogant. They were disinterested in and withdrawing from relationships  and obsessed with all things SCOAN. It wasn’t just one person, I saw it happening across the board.   Within the families I knew who were involved, there was relationship breakdown, depression, isolation from the wider Christian community and rejection of family not involved in SCOAN.  All as a direct result of SCOAN involvement. I began to see that there was something very very wrong here. There was a deep discomfort within me. These people seemed to be burdened yet denied that burden completely. There appeared to be a real inner conflict going on, again denied. It seems strange to say it but there was something about their eyes. They seemed so hard.

A revelation

As a direct result of these concerns I began to pray and pray diligently and daily. In a way I never had before. I also went to pray with another Christian who I knew and respected, having seen many good fruits in their life and ministry. I still at that point totally believed SCOAN was a genuine move of God. That the problems were in the failings of the “men” involved for which SCOAN was obviously not responsible. I had purposefully never read any negative publicity about SCOAN. I just prayed and this fellow believer prayed for me, for discernment and understanding and that God would show me what was going on.

Amazing things began to happen to me. Over a period of a few days, I woke up in the night with Scriptures echoing in my mind. My heart would beat fast and I know that the Holy Spirit was speaking to me. It was like I was waking up from a long sleep. I could see in colour and my spirit soared. It happened in the day too that I would just be reminded of Scripture and I would write it down.

The most poignant dream of all, I liken to an experience where quite literally the scales fell from my eyes. I remember that moment of revelation and it was so beautiful.  I was reminded of conversations I had had in SCOAN whilst visiting and they stopped me in my tracks in this dream.

The first one was with someone I met there. I said “this really makes me question whether I am really a Christian” (i.e. I don’t see these things happening in my life..I must be nothing.)

The second was an inner conversation. I remember the incredible burden I felt and incredible condemnation and awareness of sin. Things I had long since repented of. I remember being petrified that thoughts would be broadcast to the audience too, (because this is what happens there!) I knew I was saved when I went and I knew that my sins were forgiven but somehow I didn’t quite believe it. I remember saying over and over to myself the scripture “for there is no condemnation for those who are in Christ Jesus” I now know that this was my own little spiritual battle going on.

So when I awoke in the middle of the night, heart pounding, I was so aware of God’s overwhelming love for me. That Jesus had died for me. That He had paid the price and He had made me and He loved me for me. It was all finished. It was like I was hearing the Gospel for the first time. Indeed there is no condemnation!  I was shown very clearly in that moment that it was the Deceiver ( making me question my salvation) and the Accuser (making me conscious of past sins) that was at work here.

I was utterly astounded. It was as if my world just turned upside down. It was from then that I began to look at the quotable quotes and see how they were twisting scripture. Very subtly but very significantly.

I remember one example in particular. One of the quotes on a SCOAN card read “Jesus is reachable” and I thought to myself “NO! Jesus was God’s way of reaching us! That is what sets Christianity apart from all other faiths..”It’s subtle but it implies there is something you have to do, or somewhere you have to go to reach Jesus (e.g. SCOAN)

It was only at that point that I began to look at some of the internet publicity that was around at the time.

I looked at the allegations (and was horrified but did not simply take then at face value) I knew that regardless of whether those allegations are true or false that this was not of God.I looked at the definition of cults (and was horrified that it ticked every single box: certainly where the disciples are concerned) What the visitors see is a careful showcase of propaganda to portray a genuine and very exciting Christian church. It was very carefully orchestrated and I was a ready victim for the psychological techniques employed. I am not alone.

What I believe SCOAN is doing is deceiving and distracting and enslaving many precious children of God. Deceiving even the elect. It totally undermines our individual relationship with God through Jesus by adding in another intermediary. It points us off course.

To anyone reading this: Please don’t just take my word for it. Seek God with all your heart and be prepared for His answer and not just what you want to hear. Jesus is the Saviour, Redeemer and Restorer. He really is the answer but you have to seek Him and Him alone.

15 thoughts on “Hattie’s story, part 3. Thought process

  1. Thank you for sharing, my beloved sister ! You see, we have the infallible word of God as our guide and not the words of TBJ, and, for that matter, any man ! Joshua wants to inject himself into the rank of apostle or even Christ, but he’s a pathetic and insignificant pretender ! SCOAN makes you feel you’re the most worthless sinner, while Joshua is f**king all over the church and makes no confession to anyone. They put ignorant people on a guilty trip, while they’ve already been forgiven and washed clean by the blood of the Lamb. I continue to say our problem is ignorance. Hosea 4:6. And because of this we’ve allowed an ignoramus to ride on our backs but time is up for Joshua and his boot lickers, called disciples.

    • Hi Mr Terrific,
      Dont forget the disciples are victims like the rest of us who have been affected. I was never happy at SCOAN, and I know of others who were not either. One of my friends even tried throwing himself off the top of the roof (he’s not a disciple anymore though). They need to find Jesus like I did when I left. I thought I had a relationship with Jesus, but I really didnt, its nothing compared with how I relate with Him now. Disciples will say they have a relationship with Jesus too, but what they spend so much time in fostering is a relationship with “Daddy”. And because TB Joshua teaches that “salvation is co-extensive (same as) baptism”, alot of them question whether they are actually born again.

      • Visser, there have been quite a few “pro-scoan” christians who have used strong language on this blog (I mentioned that one guy telling us to hang ourselves). No one said anything.

        This is all another diversion of what Hattie’s post is about.

      • Come on, Visser ! Frustration is the last thing that would ever happen to me ! I’ve found the truth and the truth has set me free, and I’m liberated in true knowledge of the Lord Jesus, but never frustrated. This charlatan can’t can’t frustrate me in any manner, he doesn’t have the guts, nor does anyone, for that matter. As a matter of fact, Joshua’s deceptions led me to seek the truth, and now I know better. I use those words, because that’s exactly the way it is, calling a spade a spade. Civility doesn’t allow them , but that’s exactly what’s going on, and we better say it like it is, though some may be offended; they’d like for us to be “civil”, while this corruption goes on, but the hand writing is already on the wall.

    • GOD’s words infallible! Tbjoshua’s words infallible!.yes,GOD’s word is truth.GOD’s word never fail.in the same way,any1 who speaks d truth in christ Jesus his words shuld b considered infallible.most prophets in d bible,their words were considered infallible wen they spoke the words that came 4rm God.cn it b different in our time?oh! Unbelievng generation.why do we think dat aside 4rm Gods words being wit us,He cnt speak his words 2 d heart of man?wen God speaks through u,ur words bcome infallible.

      • text speak!! Aaaaah!
        Evidently the Bible is not good enough as the Word of God for some people. They need more.

    • Hi,speaking of a relatiönship wit tbjoshua,i think relationship wit tbj is physical were u learn experience while a relatnshp wit jesus is spiritual,longlastng and does nt alow 4 a communication break.who ever says i left scoan and nw i found jesus where i am it simply means dat ur cönversion in d 1st place is questionable

      • Please, no more text speak! I cant take it anymore! 😉
        Ene, does this mean that the entire Christian world must have a physical relationship with TB Joshua?
        What will you do when TB Joshua dies?

  2. When I read this story I feel, poor Hattie, but she finally found Jesus.
    There is a way before you much highier. Talk about Jesus without mention about SCOAN.

  3. Thank you Hattie for the time, honesty and effort put into sharing this. Having witnessed the devastating effects of Scoan on individuals and their friends and families, it is such an encouragement to hear how God has revealed truth to someone who has truly prayed for it. I agree Giles, the disciples are victims as are their families. and I hope and pray that like Hattie and others who have contributed here, they will come to recognise the truth and families can be made whole again. How can it be God’s will for families to be torn apart especially when all sides acknowledge Jesus as Lord? How is it possible for those speaking so highly of TBJoshua and Scoan to not recognise this? The only possible explanation is that Scoan does not recognise any other Christians or Church as being acceptable to God. We have already heard evidence of this but had very little clear answer from those supporting Scoan that I have seen.

  4. Hi Hattie
    You tell of a very familiar experience to mine regarding people that I know are part of this:-
    “Withdrawing from relationships” – yes that has happened within my family
    “obsessed with all things SCOAN”. – Absolutely the same
    “becoming increasingly hard, unloving and arrogant” – yes – seen that
    Actions and behaviour COMPLETELY out of character for the people that I knew.

    Far too sad for me to say much more.

    However I know for a fact that if any of these people came to the same realisation that Hattie came to they will be welcomed with open arms, there will be love and support and no recriminations. I know this because I have seen the love of Jesus in people who are praying and I have seen the acceptance that has been shown and the perseverance in prayer.

  5. Note from the moderator: Dear Cautious, thank you very much for your insightful and extensive comment. I’m not going to publish your comment here, because it’s a lot longer than the original post and really it deserves its own post. Would you mind contacting us at tbjoshuawatch@hotmail.co.uk so we can find out a few more details about your experience? We can assure you that we’ll keep your details anonymous.

  6. Ene , Visser or Doi….
    Could anyone please explain TB Joshua’s quote “salvation andholy spirit baptism are co-extensive”
    Its worrying because accoreding to SCOAN, only TB Joshua is baptised in the Holy Spirit.

    Would appreciate anyone shedding some light on it. (i never understood this when I was a disciple, and I assure you I wasnt the only one)

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