There is life after SCOAN

A former SCOAN disciple forwarded the following piece of writing to us.  The writer is a US woman who spent many years in a cult. We dedicate this to people who have left SCOAN and are building new lives in the face of ostracism from family and attacks and accusations from former friends and colleagues. We also dedicate it to those still involved in SCOAN, and we acknowledge that the situation they find themselves in is far from simple. Our prayer is that 2012 is a year of renewed relationships.
IT HURTS to discover you were deceived – that what you thought was the “one true religion,” the “path to total freedom,” or “truth” was in reality a cult.
IT HURTS when you learn that people you trusted implicitly – whom you were taught not to question – were “pulling the wool over your eyes” albeit unwittingly.
IT HURTS when you learn that those you were taught were your “enemies” were telling the truth after all — but you had been told they were liars, deceivers, repressive, satanic etc and not to listen to them.
IT HURTS when you know your faith in God hasn’t changed – only your trust in an organization – yet you are accused of apostasy, being a trouble maker, a “Judas”. It hurts even more when it is your family and friends making these accusations.
IT HURTS to realize their love and acceptance was conditional on you remaining a member of good standing. This cuts so deeply you try and suppress it. All you want to do is forget – but how can you forget your family and friends?
IT HURTS to see the looks of hatred coming from the faces of those you love – to hear the deafening silence when you try and talk to them. It cuts deeply when you try and give your child a hug and they stand like a statue, pretending you aren’t there. It stabs like a knife when you know your spouse looks upon you as demonized and teaches your children to hate you.
IT HURTS to know you must start all over again. You feel you have wasted so much time. You feel betrayed, disillusioned, suspicious of everyone including family, friends and other former members.
IT HURTS when you find yourself feeling guilty or ashamed of what you were – even about leaving them. You feel depressed, confused, lonely. You find it difficult to make decisions. You don’t know what to do with yourself because you have so much time on your hands now – yet you still feel guilty for spending time on recreation.
IT HURTS when you feel as though you have lost touch with reality. You feel as though you are “floating” and wonder if you really are better off and long for the security you had in the organization and yet you know you cannot go back.
IT HURTS when you feel you are all alone – that no one seems to understand what you are feeling. It hurts when you realize your self confidence and self worth are almost non-existent.
IT HURTS when you have to front up to friends and family to hear their “I told you so” whether that statement is verbal or not. It makes you feel even more stupid than you already do – your confidence and self worth plummet even further.
IT HURTS when you realize you gave up everything for the cult – your education, career, finances, time and energy – and now have to seek employment or restart your education. How do you explain all those missing years?
IT HURTS because you know that even though you were deceived, you are responsible for being taken in. All that wasted time…….. at least that is what it seems to you – wasted time.


Leaving a cult is like experiencing the death of a close relative or a broken relationship. The feeling is often described as like having been betrayed by someone with whom you were in love. You feel you were simply used.
There is a grieving process to pass through. Whereas most people understand that a person must grieve after a death etc, they find it difficult to understand the same applies in this situation. There is no instant cure for the grief, confusion and pain. Like all grieving periods, time is the healer. Some feel guilty, or wrong about this grief. They shouldn’t — It IS normal. It is NOT wrong to feel confused, uncertain, disillusioned, guilty, angry, untrusting – these are all part of the process. In time the negative feelings will be replaced with clear thinking, joy, peace, and trust.


There is life after the cult.
(copyright (c) Jan Groenveld)

6 thoughts on “There is life after SCOAN

  1. Oh, this touches my heart deeply ! There’s still plenty of hope for those who would see the light and come out of darkness. But they need our prayers, and unless the Lord intervenes, they’d all likewise perish. Please let us pray that this year, the light would shine on those still under bondage at SCOAN, so they could be set free through the knowledge of the truth. John 8:32. Let’s take authority in the name of Jesus Christ and break the spell over their minds and souls, so they could be restored with their families.

  2. A really moving piece of writing, makes you realise how difficult it is for people to take that step. Thanks TBJ Watch!

  3. My question to your prolific x-disciple writter is how did you discover it was a cult? And did you leave?.

    From the Moderator: For your information, the ex-disciple who sent this in is one not previously featured on this site. Don’t think that just because they choose to be anonymous there is only one, nothing could be further from the truth!

    It becomes so painful and hurting when you realise its your family and friends making such accusations, that you are a Judas.
    But in such case don’t you think your being alone is questionable? Do u actually know more than your family members? You should examine your self properly to know who is really at fault. I felt sobar to know after many years of faithfulness someone could just come out one day to Say “this is a cult”.oh yes! it happens and this isn’t the first time.
    For those who left the ministry.since it was your opinion that you left and were not driven away please look for another living church. SYNAGOGUE church isn’t the only living one. Do not make it hurt you cos every action has it reaction and repacaution. Ask for Forgiveness and let God fight your battle.except you want to fight for God your creator.i believe this is totally the wrong approach.

    And to those who are still there working under the banner, please continue.God is aware of your gathering and will not leave you without’re on the right track. KIP IT UP.

  4. If Jesus Christ will still return same way as he came,many people are still not going to believe him.But thos who has seen the light nothing will change them from beleiving in him.Plz stop critise and this argument bcos nothing will change the mind of SCOAN members.

    • Hello Joe. if the mind of SCOAN members will not be changed about Jesus Christ. AMEN to that, but maybe this free exchange of information can enable people to make informed decisions about the man leading SCOAN.

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