When I came back to the UK I was excited about it and told everyone about it. I was more evangelistic than I had ever been before. I had more courage to pray for people and I thought I had the magic formula now. Funnily enough, I never saw any results and when talking about it, TB Joshua and Jesus usually occupied the same sentence. I know now that my faith was in what I had seen in Lagos and not in God. I hardly ever read my Bible and preferred to watch TB Joshua videos. They seemed more exciting to me.
If anyone spoke against TB Joshua, I would however become quite angry and defensive. I would think to myself “who are you to say that? You are not much of a Christian! Who are you to judge? At least I am accepting God’s prophet and can recognise a move of God when I see one!” If pastors questioned it then I would think to myself “You are just scared that you are getting it wrong and you don’t want to be confronted by that. It is because you feel threatened by it and that it might undermine you that you won’t accept it/visit Lagos”
I had developed an incredible spiritual pride and was very judgmental about others depending on whether or not they “recognised TB Joshua”. This was the same for the others I knew that were involved. Yet I now realise that my own spiritual walk was faltering hugely…I was feeling incredibly spiritually undermined, hugely inadequate and that I was a nobody in God’s kingdom…I have since likened it to a spiritual bone marrow transplant. My very lifeblood (Christian faith) was being suppressed and then replaced with something different (doctrine of SCOAN and TB Joshua).
I really believed that you had to go to Lagos and meet TB Joshua to have any basis for criticism and this is an argument that is used frequently by those in SCOAN. But I now realise that to put yourself in that position is to subject yourself to an environment where you are programmed to believe. You are subject to a profound deception on both a psychological and a spiritual level.