One of our regular readers compiled every textbook pro-TB Joshua statement ever into one glorious comment. We know it’s getting difficult for TB Joshua fans to keep defending him these days, so here’s a little present for you: Next time you see something critical of TB Joshua online, no need to waste time thinking up a reasoned and biblical response, just copy and paste this into the reply box!
How dare you suggest the ‘Man of God’ is anywhere other than SCOAN? My aunt’s cousin’s friend’s hairdresser’s husband said he thinks he saw him there last week – that’s a FACT!!!!!!!!!!!!!! This blog is of the devil. I am sure you are those psychos who tried to take over the London branch of SCOAN. Everyone on Watch TB Joshua Blog says you are so it is definitely true. And you are also racists. I don’t actually know why but everyone says it so it must be true.
You have no job, you just sit around criticising the ‘Man of God’ all day, and he just laughs at you. Or he doesn’t even care about you. I forget which I’m supposed to say. He certainly doesn’t care about you. But he loves everybody because he doesn’t sin like you pagans and because God so loved us that He sent senior prophet TB Joshua for us.
Don’t you know he prophesied that that Malaysian plane that disappeared last year would be found soon? Well, I saw today they found the wing, right where the Prophet said it would be – IN THE SEA! So, you see, he is the prophet of our times and you are devils who are sent by your father the DEVIL to try to bring our Papa down, but you will not succeed because his god is with him. I mean God with a capital G. Excuse my, erm, typo. And don’t tell me that more than one year is not ‘soon’. You don’t know your Bible: A thousand years is as a day and a day as a thousand years, so time is immaterial to God, so there.
You are devilish. That ultra-high tech lazer from the hovering plane took down the guesthouse or it was a controlled demolition (I forget which theory we believe this week) and you know it because it was probably you. Or the Nigerian government. Or Boko Haram. No, wait, the CIA. Someone, anyway, because TB Joshua is true and just and no way did he authorise a shoddy building to be built to house the martyrs in. That coroner and all those engineering experts know nothing, they are of the devil too, sent to try to destroy our beloved prophet, BUT YOU WILL NEVER SUCCEED, DEVILS.
You are all blasphemers – you speak against our Papa as if her were a man who sins. Do you not know he is the Messiah of our time? If you speak against the prophet, you speak against God, you blasphemers.
I should have used more exclamation marks and CAPS LOCK in this post, or you will not UNDERSTAND JUST HOW RIGHTEOUSLY ANGRY I REALLY AM!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! And I call down sickness and suffering and all types of pain on you devils, God hates you because you dare to question His prophet. It is my Christian duty to tell you this.
You will come to SCOAN to beg forgiveness from our Master, I mean, senior prophet, one day: this is my prophecy to you.
Now, my fellow disciples of TB Joshua… I mean, disciples of Jesus, yes I’m supposed to say Jesus….you don’t need to bother writing to these devils all that we know to be true as I have done it all for you.
Oh, I nearly forgot:
The Devil is a Liar!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Touch not the Lord’s anointed and do His prophet no harm.
Did I forget anything?