Repost: Hattie’s story, part 3. Thought process

From the archive: In part three of her story, Hattie explores the thought process she went through which ultimately led to her severing her allegiance to SCOAN.

Who am I to question this man who is performing all these miracles and has such supernatural knowledge? He knows God better than I do and I had better listen to him.

TB Joshua appears to have such power in the supernatural realm and such knowledge about people. I wonder what he knows about me? I wonder if he will say anything about me? I am such a sinner.

TB Joshua seems to have “confrontation” with evil and often casts out demons. I don’t and am not even aware of that side of things much. I had better watch out/pray more/read my bible more/learn from TB Joshua more. (It indirectly made me acutely aware of evil at work and probably fear it more if I am honest)

A realisation

Some time passed and I simply carried on with my busy life.

Slowly I began to notice changes in people I knew that were involved with SCOAN closely. Most definitely these changes were for the worse and certainly not in keeping with the fruits of the Holy Spirit. It became more and more obvious with time. The people I knew were becoming increasingly hard, unloving and arrogant. They were disinterested in and withdrawing from relationships  and obsessed with all things SCOAN. It wasn’t just one person, I saw it happening across the board.   Within the families I knew who were involved, there was relationship breakdown, depression, isolation from the wider Christian community and rejection of family not involved in SCOAN.  All as a direct result of SCOAN involvement. I began to see that there was something very very wrong here. There was a deep discomfort within me. These people seemed to be burdened yet denied that burden completely. There appeared to be a real inner conflict going on, again denied. It seems strange to say it but there was something about their eyes. They seemed so hard.

A revelation

As a direct result of these concerns I began to pray and pray diligently and daily. In a way I never had before. I also went to pray with another Christian who I knew and respected, having seen many good fruits in their life and ministry. I still at that point totally believed SCOAN was a genuine move of God. That the problems were in the failings of the “men” involved for which SCOAN was obviously not responsible. I had purposefully never read any negative publicity about SCOAN. I just prayed and this fellow believer prayed for me, for discernment and understanding and that God would show me what was going on.

Amazing things began to happen to me. Over a period of a few days, I woke up in the night with Scriptures echoing in my mind. My heart would beat fast and I know that the Holy Spirit was speaking to me. It was like I was waking up from a long sleep. I could see in colour and my spirit soared. It happened in the day too that I would just be reminded of Scripture and I would write it down.

The most poignant dream of all, I liken to an experience where quite literally the scales fell from my eyes. I remember that moment of revelation and it was so beautiful.  I was reminded of conversations I had had in SCOAN whilst visiting and they stopped me in my tracks in this dream.

The first one was with someone I met there. I said “this really makes me question whether I am really a Christian” (i.e. I don’t see these things happening in my life..I must be nothing.)

The second was an inner conversation. I remember the incredible burden I felt and incredible condemnation and awareness of sin. Things I had long since repented of. I remember being petrified that thoughts would be broadcast to the audience too, (because this is what happens there!) I knew I was saved when I went and I knew that my sins were forgiven but somehow I didn’t quite believe it. I remember saying over and over to myself the scripture “for there is no condemnation for those who are in Christ Jesus” I now know that this was my own little spiritual battle going on.

So when I awoke in the middle of the night, heart pounding, I was so aware of God’s overwhelming love for me. That Jesus had died for me. That He had paid the price and He had made me and He loved me for me. It was all finished. It was like I was hearing the Gospel for the first time. Indeed there is no condemnation!  I was shown very clearly in that moment that it was the Deceiver ( making me question my salvation) and the Accuser (making me conscious of past sins) that was at work here.

I was utterly astounded. It was as if my world just turned upside down. It was from then that I began to look at the quotable quotes and see how they were twisting scripture. Very subtly but very significantly.

I remember one example in particular. One of the quotes on a SCOAN card read “Jesus is reachable” and I thought to myself “NO! Jesus was God’s way of reaching us! That is what sets Christianity apart from all other faiths..”It’s subtle but it implies there is something you have to do, or somewhere you have to go to reach Jesus (e.g. SCOAN)

It was only at that point that I began to look at some of the internet publicity that was around at the time.

I looked at the allegations (and was horrified but did not simply take then at face value) I knew that regardless of whether those allegations are true or false that this was not of God.I looked at the definition of cults (and was horrified that it ticked every single box: certainly where the disciples are concerned) What the visitors see is a careful showcase of propaganda to portray a genuine and very exciting Christian church. It was very carefully orchestrated and I was a ready victim for the psychological techniques employed. I am not alone.

What I believe SCOAN is doing is deceiving and distracting and enslaving many precious children of God. Deceiving even the elect. It totally undermines our individual relationship with God through Jesus by adding in another intermediary. It points us off course.

To anyone reading this: Please don’t just take my word for it. Seek God with all your heart and be prepared for His answer and not just what you want to hear. Jesus is the Saviour, Redeemer and Restorer. He really is the answer but you have to seek Him and Him alone.

Repost: Hattie’s story, part 2. Returning to the UK

From the archive… This is part 2 of Hattie’s story. Follow the link to read Part 1 “Visiting SCOAN, first impressions“. Part 3 will be published tomorrow.

When I came back to the UK I was excited about it and told everyone about it. I was more evangelistic than I had ever been before. I had more courage to pray for people and I thought I had the magic formula now. Funnily enough, I never saw any results and when talking about it, TB Joshua and Jesus usually occupied the same sentence. I know now that my faith was in what I had seen in Lagos and not in God. I hardly ever read my Bible and preferred to watch TB Joshua videos. They seemed more exciting to me.

Deep down I thought I was inadequate and that I was too sinful and too much of a failure to be of any use to God.

If anyone spoke against TB Joshua, I would however become quite angry and defensive. I would think to myself “who are you to say that? You are not much of a Christian! Who are you to judge? At least I am accepting God’s prophet and can recognise a move of God when I see one!”  If pastors questioned it then I would think to myself “You are just scared that you are getting it wrong and you don’t want to be confronted by that. It is because you feel threatened by it and that it might undermine you that you won’t accept it/visit Lagos”

I had developed an incredible spiritual pride and was very judgmental about others depending on whether or not they “recognised TB Joshua”. This was the same for the others I knew that were involved.  Yet I now realise that my own spiritual walk was faltering hugely…I was feeling incredibly spiritually undermined, hugely inadequate and that I was a nobody in God’s kingdom…I have since likened it to a spiritual bone marrow transplant. My very lifeblood  (Christian faith) was being suppressed and then replaced with something different (doctrine of SCOAN and TB Joshua).

I really believed that you had to go to Lagos and meet TB Joshua to have any basis for criticism and this is an argument that is used frequently by those in SCOAN. But I now realise that to put yourself in that position is to subject yourself to an environment where you are programmed to believe. You are subject to a profound deception on both a psychological and a spiritual level.

Repost: Hattie’s story, part 1. Visiting SCOAN, first impressions

A post from the archive, part 2 and 3 to follow.

Why am I writing this? I have a unique viewpoint. I have been to SCOAN as a visitor and have been entranced by it. I have watched many videos and I have watched Emmanuel TV.  I was for a long time a sympathiser, never deeply involved but certainly deeply affected. I have known disciples (very well) both before, during and after their involvement and I want to bear witness to the truth, to share my story. I will also share my perception of the psychological and spiritual processes at work.

Continue reading

Hattie’s story, part 3. Thought process

In part three of her story, Hattie explores the thought process she went through which ultimately led to her severing her allegiance to SCOAN. Follow the links to read Part 1 “Visiting SCOAN, first impressions” or Part 2 “Returning to the UK

Who am I to question this man who is performing all these miracles and has such supernatural knowledge? He knows God better than I do and I had better listen to him.

TB Joshua appears to have such power in the supernatural realm and such knowledge about people. I wonder what he knows about me? I wonder if he will say anything about me? I am such a sinner.

TB Joshua seems to have “confrontation” with evil and often casts out demons. I don’t and am not even aware of that side of things much. I had better watch out/pray more/read my bible more/learn from TB Joshua more. (It indirectly made me acutely aware of evil at work and probably fear it more if I am honest)

A realisation

Some time passed and I simply carried on with my busy life.

Slowly I began to notice changes in people I knew that were involved with SCOAN closely. Most definitely these changes were for the worse and certainly not in keeping with the fruits of the Holy Spirit. It became more and more obvious with time. The people I knew were becoming increasingly hard, unloving and arrogant. They were disinterested in and withdrawing from relationships  and obsessed with all things SCOAN. It wasn’t just one person, I saw it happening across the board.   Within the families I knew who were involved, there was relationship breakdown, depression, isolation from the wider Christian community and rejection of family not involved in SCOAN.  All as a direct result of SCOAN involvement. I began to see that there was something very very wrong here. There was a deep discomfort within me. These people seemed to be burdened yet denied that burden completely. There appeared to be a real inner conflict going on, again denied. It seems strange to say it but there was something about their eyes. They seemed so hard.

A revelation

As a direct result of these concerns I began to pray and pray diligently and daily. In a way I never had before. I also went to pray with another Christian who I knew and respected, having seen many good fruits in their life and ministry. I still at that point totally believed SCOAN was a genuine move of God. That the problems were in the failings of the “men” involved for which SCOAN was obviously not responsible. I had purposefully never read any negative publicity about SCOAN. I just prayed and this fellow believer prayed for me, for discernment and understanding and that God would show me what was going on.

Amazing things began to happen to me. Over a period of a few days, I woke up in the night with Scriptures echoing in my mind. My heart would beat fast and I know that the Holy Spirit was speaking to me. It was like I was waking up from a long sleep. I could see in colour and my spirit soared. It happened in the day too that I would just be reminded of Scripture and I would write it down.

The most poignant dream of all, I liken to an experience where quite literally the scales fell from my eyes. I remember that moment of revelation and it was so beautiful.  I was reminded of conversations I had had in SCOAN whilst visiting and they stopped me in my tracks in this dream.

The first one was with someone I met there. I said “this really makes me question whether I am really a Christian” (i.e. I don’t see these things happening in my life..I must be nothing.)

The second was an inner conversation. I remember the incredible burden I felt and incredible condemnation and awareness of sin. Things I had long since repented of. I remember being petrified that thoughts would be broadcast to the audience too, (because this is what happens there!) I knew I was saved when I went and I knew that my sins were forgiven but somehow I didn’t quite believe it. I remember saying over and over to myself the scripture “for there is no condemnation for those who are in Christ Jesus” I now know that this was my own little spiritual battle going on.

So when I awoke in the middle of the night, heart pounding, I was so aware of God’s overwhelming love for me. That Jesus had died for me. That He had paid the price and He had made me and He loved me for me. It was all finished. It was like I was hearing the Gospel for the first time. Indeed there is no condemnation!  I was shown very clearly in that moment that it was the Deceiver ( making me question my salvation) and the Accuser (making me conscious of past sins) that was at work here.

I was utterly astounded. It was as if my world just turned upside down. It was from then that I began to look at the quotable quotes and see how they were twisting scripture. Very subtly but very significantly.

I remember one example in particular. One of the quotes on a SCOAN card read “Jesus is reachable” and I thought to myself “NO! Jesus was God’s way of reaching us! That is what sets Christianity apart from all other faiths..”It’s subtle but it implies there is something you have to do, or somewhere you have to go to reach Jesus (e.g. SCOAN)

It was only at that point that I began to look at some of the internet publicity that was around at the time.

I looked at the allegations (and was horrified but did not simply take then at face value) I knew that regardless of whether those allegations are true or false that this was not of God.I looked at the definition of cults (and was horrified that it ticked every single box: certainly where the disciples are concerned) What the visitors see is a careful showcase of propaganda to portray a genuine and very exciting Christian church. It was very carefully orchestrated and I was a ready victim for the psychological techniques employed. I am not alone.

What I believe SCOAN is doing is deceiving and distracting and enslaving many precious children of God. Deceiving even the elect. It totally undermines our individual relationship with God through Jesus by adding in another intermediary. It points us off course.

To anyone reading this: Please don’t just take my word for it. Seek God with all your heart and be prepared for His answer and not just what you want to hear. Jesus is the Saviour, Redeemer and Restorer. He really is the answer but you have to seek Him and Him alone.

Hattie’s story, part 2. Returning to the UK

This is part 2 of Hattie’s story. Follow the link to read Part 1 “Visiting SCOAN, first impressions

When I came back to the UK I was excited about it and told everyone about it. I was more evangelistic than I had ever been before. I had more courage to pray for people and I thought I had the magic formula now. Funnily enough, I never saw any results and when talking about it, TB Joshua and Jesus usually occupied the same sentence. I know now that my faith was in what I had seen in Lagos and not in God. I hardly ever read my Bible and preferred to watch TB Joshua videos. They seemed more exciting to me. 

Deep down I thought I was inadequate and that I was too sinful and too much of a failure to be of any use to God.

If anyone spoke against TB Joshua, I would however become quite angry and defensive. I would think to myself “who are you to say that? You are not much of a Christian! Who are you to judge? At least I am accepting God’s prophet and can recognise a move of God when I see one!”  If pastors questioned it then I would think to myself “You are just scared that you are getting it wrong and you don’t want to be confronted by that. It is because you feel threatened by it and that it might undermine you that you won’t accept it/visit Lagos”

I had developed an incredible spiritual pride and was very judgmental about others depending on whether or not they “recognised TB Joshua”. This was the same for the others I knew that were involved.  Yet I now realise that my own spiritual walk was faltering hugely…I was feeling incredibly spiritually undermined, hugely inadequate and that I was a nobody in God’s kingdom…I have since likened it to a spiritual bone marrow transplant. My very lifeblood  (Christian faith) was being suppressed and then replaced with something different (doctrine of SCOAN and TB Joshua).

I really believed that you had to go to Lagos and meet TB Joshua to have any basis for criticism and this is an argument that is used frequently by those in SCOAN. But I now realise that to put yourself in that position is to subject yourself to an environment where you are programmed to believe. You are subject to a profound deception on both a psychological and a spiritual level.

Part 3 of Hattie’s story “Thought process” will be posted on Wednesday 2nd November

Hattie’s story, part 1. Visiting SCOAN, first impressions

From the editor: SCOAN supporters often say that to have any basis for critisism you must first visit SCOAN and see what happens there for yourself. Hattie refutes this claim, but has actually been there and done that. We will be serialising her story over the next few days.

Why am I writing this? I have a unique viewpoint. I have been to SCOAN as a visitor and have been entranced by it. I have watched many videos and I have watched Emmanuel TV.  I was for a long time a sympathiser, never deeply involved but certainly deeply affected. I have known disciples (very well) both before, during and after their involvement and I want to bear witness to the truth, to share my story. I will also share my perception of the psychological and spiritual processes at work.

Continue reading